here go my impression of dealing with any client in any capacity ever
CLIENT: how much do u charge?
YOU: its 1 dollar per glorf
CLIENT: oh thats very reasonable. ok i have 3 glorfs. so how much is that?
YOU: 3 dollars
CLIENT: WHY SO MUCH????
NOW I AM CALLING THE POLICE!!
You Might Also Like
My wife and I come from very different backgrounds. Her family is French and Irish, and mine is suffocating and unstable.
[spider in house]
me: oh hey buddy, you lost? let me take you outside[ants in house]
me, wildly shooting bug spray: I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!
Bedtime:
Brush teeth
Put on pjs
Read
Turn off light
Put them back in bed
Put them back in bed
Threaten everything they love
Put them back
I bought a stationary bike last year and, boy oh boy, has it lived up to its name.
“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT” my ears, fella…my ears.
I think Jesus would have killed it at water skiing
She’s a 10…but sometimes an 8 and maybe a 12 once in awhile because clothing sizes are so inconsistent.
Why did the new psychology student eat their textbook?
Because the professor said it was a piece of cake!
😂
A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds
Come back with a warrant
things are bad enough, today i’m playing goodminton
It’s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions.
Kids… I meant my kids.
romeo and juliet is what happens when you don’t sync your watches before a mission
While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.
Math never tried to solve any of my problems.
Inventor of wicker furniture: I want this to break and injure someone eventually
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me between 2 and 50 times and you’re my 5yo getting out of bed at night.
I can count the people I trust on my middle finger.
Fairy godmother: Remember, at midnight the spell will be broken.
Me in my 30’s: Oh no worries. I’ll be done and at home in my pajamas by 8pm.
FGM: Oh no, my dear, you have until midni—
Me: 8PM.
Hi, I’m a fruit fly that could live here undetected, but, no, I’m gonna fly in this lady’s face til she makes it her mission to destroy me.
Boy, there sure are a lot of lonely people on twitter, which is weird because we’re all so pleasant
The nurse said take everything off except bra and panties, but all I have under my dress is a tampon string I wish I could pull to parachute right outta here
DO NOT show up to my place unannounced, I will literally stare at you from the window until nightfall, I don’t give a shit.
Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
You want me to make up a word for the period of my life before I became a mailman?
That’s preposterous
“if you could be any animal what would you be”
a cat
“why a cat”
[imagines being a complete shithead for literally no reason]
naps and stuff
Man, people are taking spring cleaning extra seriously this year.
Him: you look tired today
Me: you look like you need a mouth that says better sentences
Unicorn: Come on man, do it just one more time.
Dragon: This is the last time.
Unicorn: Hell yeah!
Dragon: [toasts unicorns marshmallow]
Talk to your kids about drugs.
Maybe they have better connections than you.