The past two Fridays after school I have seen the same group of teens walking home with a store cake and I would like to know how I get in on this Friday cake club.
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Missed Connection:
I was on the train. You were running for the train. Our eyes met. You reached out to me as the doors were closing, but the train pulled away. Please contact me. I have your left hand.
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If you gotta turn on the oven for nachos you might as well make a cake too. It’s in the bible, I think.
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yes it was like a weird pancake
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Me: people who betray you need to know that they make us incapable of trusting again
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Me: Nah I just want a little.
Son: …goddammit Mom…
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Twitter, 2016 (HT @iShami_ )
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ME: no I drive car.
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*whispers* forlorn corn.
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Why not a pufferpuma?
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Personal Trainer: This was the tour of the gym.
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8 million Canadians signed a petition to prevent this.
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1: How is that sad?
2: He could bearly swim!
1:..
2: He ate 3 campers
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Me: 1970.
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Me: Well, well, well Mr. “you can take it all, baby” it aint so easy is it?
[movie trailer]
IN A WORLD OF ANIMAL NOISES
*distant oinks and moo’s*
ONE OLD MAN KNEW THEM ALL
*dramatic music*
BUT BEFORE HE WAS A MAN
*slow piano music*
BEFORE HE HAD A FARM
*flying shot of rolling hills*
HE WAS…
*extreme close up*
YOUNG MACDONALD
[coming soon]