Sunday afternoon is for relaxing, so watch this go in a loop as many times as you need
You Might Also Like
[on date]
HER: I cant see u anymore
ME (hiding under table): lol I know
H: no I mean I cant see u anymore
M (still under table): lol I know
Oh crap, this isn’t what I ordered… who has my foot-long sub?
[interview]
“Says here, you like to master debate in your free time?”“Yeah, sorry, that’s a typo”
“You’re beautiful on the inside.”
– Me, to a Twinkie
I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
Pharmacies could save a lot of hassle and just have customers walk through a denim detector to see if they’re cooking meth.
Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming
[thinking of an excuse because I can’t swim]
Me: I got killed by a shark once
[commercial]
Narrator: These are real people and not actors-Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE’RE PEOPLE TOO!
Tried arguing on the internet today.
Wouldn’t recommend it.
0 out of 5 stars.
Why is the saying “Ignorance is bliss” and not, “No brain, no pain”?
fast food drive thru cashier: were you the one with…… …. … lots of stuff?
me: yeah that’s me
[planning vacation]
Alexa, show me extradition treaties
So tired this morning that I think I tried to make a call with a Pop-Tart.
when i got diagnosed with adhd (as an adult) the psychiatrist referred me to some helpful articles and i was like mm not sure you fully understand the situation
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I need a nap,
and a cheeseburger too.
Grandma’s funeral ft. Pitbull
Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.
It’s really only a Supreme Court if it comes with sour cream.
How much for the goth pool noodles?
Appears Hallmark doesn’t make a card for Condolences to a hot widow, for the untimely death of her elderly husband, under somewhat suspicious circumstances, and who may in fact be a person of interest.
starting to think my starbucks boyfriend is asking other girls their name too.
It’s pretty stupid how tube socks come in a resealable bag as if I’m not going to eat them all in one sitting.
I am angry but not like really angry. More like Facebook angry where I call you letters of the alphabet. You F’ing B.
Me: At the start of this year, I never could’ve guessed I’d be in debt to a raccoon
Friend: Animal Crossing is pretty fun though
Me: What’s Animal Crossing?
Ruby Tuesday lures you in with the promise of “bottomless fries” but then escorts you out with “you have to wear pants in here”.
Still haven’t given up on the dream of finding a suitcase full of money on the side of the road.
What did I do to upset the TikTok algorithm and why does it keep showing me cottage cheese recipes?!
I’m pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites’ heroin addiction.
ao3 writers are a whole other bread. i feel so bad for laughing but this is dedication
I love it when someone texts “come on, your a smart girl” in a condescending manner and totally misses the irony of it. I am smart, but you’re* not.