Topic: Excited about mustard!
MustardNewbie99: Hey guys! Just tried this french mustard and it really opened my eyes! Has anyone else tried it?
InTheCourtOfTheMustardKing
412,294 Posts
Registered 3/13/2002
[SUPER ADMIN – MANDATE OF HEAVEN]
No, we’ve never tried moutarde forte🙄
You Might Also Like
Sorry I haven’t tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps.
[my day at work]
9:00am: so much to do, blessed!
9:05am: ok I’m bored
9:06am: *googles am I too goth for work?*
GUIDE: If you see a bear, just make yourself big
[Months later]
DOCTOR: You weigh 300 kilosME [mouthful of donuts] I saw a bear
just saw Netflix went up to $19.99/month and all I gotta say is for the person who’s been letting me use theirs for the past few years…please stay strong 🙏
YO TWITTER PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME OUT. THIS IS MY DREAM AND WOULD BE BEYOND BLESSED IF YALL CAN HELP A DUDE OUT. RETWEET!!!
My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I’m blinded by whiteness.
My kids’ superpower is finding something to fight about after only being awake for 2 minutes.
Parents are like “i don’t want my teen having sex” and i get it. I had sex as a teen and now every full moon I turn into a giant sex
Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with.
I haven’t had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
I wonder if Disney Princesses take BuzzFeed quizzes to find out which bored stay-at-home mom they are.
My text: Have a good day at school!
My son’s text: Thanks. I forgot to have you sign something. Can you show me how your signature looks.
Shrek 5 should be a multiverse team-up with Gamora, the Grinch, the Hulk, the Jolly Green Giant, Kermit, an Orion dancer, Oscar, Mike Wazowski, Baby Yoda, Non-Baby Yoda, & that guy who won’t shut up about his one Irish grandparent.
I lie in the bath for hours.
But I try to tell the truth the rest of the time.
FIREMAN: this blaze is out of control
ME: sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire
F: what? No
M: *already brandishing a flamethrower*
Life cycle of cat
Conservatives say the problem is Christianity ain’t taught in schools. The real problem is Christianity ain’t taught in church.
Talking to my sleepy 9 year old and as a joke offered her some of my coffee. She said, “I can’t drink coffee, I’m not an old person yet,” and now I hate everything.
My can opener broke so now it’s a can’t opener.
Therapist: Your mother is so overprotective she is the cause of your issues connecting to women emotionally
Me: Well yo mama so stupid she tried to climb Mountain Dew
they should invent a rest for the wicked
When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back.
Friend: Are you free this weekend?
Me: That’s not how this works. First you tell me what you had in mind and then I respond with either a “yeah” or a dishonest excuse
[date]
Her: I’m a chiropractor
Me: *under breath* whoa I thought they were extinct
My neighbour called out “cheer up” today so I asked if he was moving house
Me: you shouldn’t be working here, you’re a human being
Hooters waitress: look, it was my choi-
Me: seriously, where are the owl waiters
when you came back from the bathroom and your younger sibling had taken your spot on the couch
cows are very calm considering the whole floor is food
Sneezing is a really good way of working out exactly how full your bladder is
Why are you mad at me because YOU’RE an idiot? I didn’t make you stupid.