I don’t know, but there is something strange in this decoration!😂
You Might Also Like
Can I watch The Meg if I haven’t Seen The Peter, The Lois, The Chris, The Stewie or The Brian yet?
There’s no such thing as “fair trade” honey. Those bees are gettin’ screwed.
Captcha: Click on every photo of a real tunnel
Wile E Coyote: oh no
Having a reputation for being irresponsible gets me out of having to do a lot of stuff.
me at 7: I wanna be a marine biologist when I grow up! That or a ninja, prolly both
me at 29: I don’t know how to wash dishes without getting my shirt all wet
“I would absolutely say I’m an introvert!” – Guy screaming to his table full of friends at brunch.
4 dudes 1 kickflip #Skateboarding #skatetwitter
spicy snake
8yo: Daddy, I wrote a short story called Attack of the Killer Kittens.
me: oh wow ok…
8yo: Mommy is the superhero who makes all the kittens be good instead of evil.
me: nice, what about me?
8yo: you get eaten.
Logically the best time to kick someone is when they are down
Cartoon orange juice is just pulp fiction
Tom Cruise still does his own stunts at 55 and I just pulled a muscle reaching for the toilet paper…
Me: School starts in a few days.
7-year-old: Not if you can’t find me.
Midnight snack: battle between how much you crave food versus how much you don’t want to brush your teeth again
The legends speak of a third Duran…
4: mom can I sing just a short song?
me: yes
4: ok its only just three hours long I promise
narrator: it was in fact, only just three hours long
george hails a cab driven by the grim reaper call it death cab for clooney.
Don’t drink and drive, also don’t call frozen yogurt “fro yo.”
The first person to eat a fortune cookie probably ate the paper too, which is unfortunate
Throw it against the wall and see if it sticks: good advice for cooks, great advice for Spiderman’s taxidermist.
If the US ever decides to change its currency from the dollar to the unmatched tupperware lid I’ll be a very wealthy man.
ME: my dog ate my homework
TEACHER AT MY DOG FOOD CULINARY SCHOOL: that is good
ok what if you’re in the school pickup line and you see a woman eating from a charcuterie board in her car, would you judge me?
i mean her would you judge her
m’lady
ME: [getting pistol whipped] hey everyone, look at this idiot who thinks his gun is a whip
Want to know the secret to looking young? Pick up a bottle of sunblock, and put it on 20 years ago.
[Ouija board]
“Hey spirits, talk to us”
W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E
“fml”
Me: *pointing gun* put all the money in the bag
Him: sir this is a food bank
Me: put all the broccoli in the bag
When did white people become such fucking pussies?