Appendi
Appendii
Appendiii
Appendiv
Appendv
Appendvi
Appendvii
Appendviii
Appendix
You Might Also Like
i have faced more peer pressure to drink oat milk than to do drugs
If pigs do eventually fly I bet they’ll take off from airporks.
No officer, my car was already upside down when I got here.
guy who invented shot put: im tired of holding this put
Once it’s in the oven I don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.
Nothing says I don’t want to be here like taking the gym elevator to the second floor.
If you guys know anyone, I’m in the market for a mannequin head that’s missing both eyes and has dark hair…please, no weirdos.
I’m trying to convince this guy that ‘jesus is the reason for the season’ but loansharks have a different perspective
Dr: your father is real sick
Woman: [sobbing] how long?
[her dad wheelies past on a bmx]
Dr: almost six yards that time
Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels.
And now we wait
Colossal ancient god: YOUR SACRIFICE?
Me: *frantically googling “gift ideas”*
Starting my own Mafia! Looking for:
1. About 5-6 oafish goons
2. A “supply guy”
3. Level 4 Mage
4. ????
5. Someone named Tony
G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma)
PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward)
PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward)
R: NO grandmas
This wombat looked more fun in the catalogue.
INVENTOR: it’s a machine that washes dishes
BOSS: what should we call it
GUY WHO NAMED THE FIREPLACE: i have an idea
Every television should come with the volume setting, “Eating Chips”.
Your name is just a compromise. It’s the one both your parents didn’t hate.
Kids are like bears. If you play dead eventually they’ll leave you alone.
(understanding 0% of what I’m being told as i’m getting trained for my new job) that all makes perfect sense, no questions
i am fine with my casket + dead body being dug up by grave robbers as long as they do it in the style of an unboxing video
Just texted my brother to see how his fantasy football went today but it autocorrected to “what’s your fantasy” and now it seems we are closer than ever
I’ve never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.
Meow?
Every time I text this guy, he replies with “Sorry, I’m driving.” It’s been a few days. I’m guessing he’s probably made it to Mexico by now.
Why stop at 7-layer dip? Make it 15 layers. 25. Go nuts. There is literally no one policing this.
A guy in Hawaii survived a shark attack while surfing by punching the shark in the face and I get scared to take a shower if I see a spider.
Even on my death bed my wife will be telling me how she had a worse day than me.
No thanks, babies. If I’m going to let something inside of my body that’s going to destroy my figure, it’ll be cheese, bread and booze.