Finding Nemo 3:
Nemo’s mom isn’t dead.
Nemo’s dad kidnapped Nemo to avoid a custody dispute.
Nemo’s mom finds them.
It’s a revenge tale.
You Might Also Like
Maybe don’t show me a picture if you don’t want me to rate your baby.
My childhood left me with unreal expectations about how often I would see pies used as weapons.
bouncer: I’m going to have to ask you to leave
me: why
bouncer: I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline
me: goodnight moon 🙂
moon: goodnight
me: goodnight stars 🙂
stars: goodnight
me: goodnight planetarium security guard 🙂
security guard: how the hell did you get in here
Growing up is just going from hearing “we have food at home” to saying “we have food at home”.
Roses are brown,
Violets are brown,
Daisies are brown,I’m a terrible gardener.
If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You’re welcome.
GREAT day volunteering at the library! Noticed a local youth reading a book called “Moby D*ck” so I confiscated it before it could corrupt his innocent mind. Then I found a fun book about laughing out loud called LOLita and gave him that instead. I LOVE keeping young minds pure!
[god creating elephant]
“overfeed that aardvark”
charcuterie boards are great bc where else can you consume thousands of calories worth of a mysterious cheese you keep eating bc you can’t figure out if you like it or not
I was caught in a nuclear reactor with a jar of spiders in my pocket, so now I’m half man, half jar.
“these Kate Middleton pics will silence internet critics” I don’t think u understand how badly you’ve fucked this. there are now people on the internet who could SHAKE HER HAND and still claim she’s four cats in a wig
Life can change in an instant. Hug the people you love, and appreciate what you have, before it’s gone.
me: in or out
dog: yep
me: which one
dog: you bet
Wife – remember to compliment the host
[later]
Me – your wife is hot
my girlfriend sold her prized barbie toy collection to get me a ticket to oppenheimer this weekend. and i sold my supply of highly enriched uranium to get her a ticket to the barbie movie 😔
Sure, most of my cousins are doctors and lawyers and professors with nice houses and adorable kids but I’m the only one who can digest milk
I only look good from one angle and if someone could please tell me what that angle is I’d be grateful
Me: You can’t fire me, I quit!
Boss: You can’t quit, I fired you!
Me: You can’t quit me, I’m fire!
Boss:…
*our eyes lock and we kiss*
Call me cute and I’ll bite your kneecap.
everything in the world’s horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades
Amazon notifies me that my package arrived like it wasn’t unboxed 5 minutes ago.
[creating anchovies]
God: How can we ruin pizza?
I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.
He told me to strike while the iron is hot, like I know what an iron is.
it’s common knowledge that a house isn’t a home until there are at least five different boxes of cereal open at once
Don’t forget if you’re a member of the Tautology Society, we’ve got our annual AGM meeting tonight.
A girl on the bus just batted her eyes at me, but I ducked and they flew out the window.
I bet deaf people scare the shit out of bank tellers when they hand them a note.
man cave? she shed? no no. im in my theysement