Inside Out 2:
The girl enters puberty.
Her emotions get out of control.
She goes Goth.
Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep
You Might Also Like
2016: Everyone you love in entertainment will die!
2017: Everyone you love in entertainment is a sexual degenerate.
2018: The dog from Air Bud is the Zodiac Killer.
*climbs Mt. Everest hoping to find clarity, PEACE & a deeper understanding of myself & the world*
“When did they put a Starbucks up here?”
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years
Me: punching a goose in its mouth
Interviewer: you know actually we’ve already filled the position
Me: *clenches fist* was it a goose
“Avoid drinking alcohol while taking this medication.”
So, how hard should I go on this “avoid” thing?
*holds boombox over my head outside your window
Me (shouting) Do you have eight “C” batteries?
Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren’t really going to use that ice pick you’re carrying around.
Date *sitting on couch* I love scary movies
Me: ok but this is pretty dark, it’s about a boy plagued by haunted dolls
Date: Sounds good!
Me: The cowboy one is called Woody
You can’t buy gifts from a sex offender registry. I know this now.
People be like “You knew what you were signing up for when you had kids” as if we had any idea we’d have to homeschool them through a global pandemic
Me: Am I in trouble?
Her: [Starts Alanis Morissette and Olivia Rodrigo playlist]
Me: Oh no.
Netflix: Are you still watching?
me: yes
Netflix: is that a book in your hands?
me: *gulp* no
I’m not sure how much longer I can live in the city. The seagulls, the flies, the rats. They’re all so expensive here.
Ignorance is bliss, and rampant.
Perfect
my premium snap prices:
-pics of me crying: $5
-videos of me crying: $10
-videos of me crying in the mirror while throwing the peace sign: $15
Waiter: What can I get for you?
Me: Steak, please.
W: How would you like that cooked?
M: By anyone other than my wife
craved ice cream, so I had Greek yogurt with blueberries instead
still craving ice cream except now I’m angry, too
wife: where are the beans?
me: i made phones with the cans.
wife: can i talk to you in the kitchen?
small voice echoing from the kitchen: you can now.
Good questions to ask on a first date:
*Do you have any siblings?
*What was your major in college?
*Is that your original skin?
*Do you think the humans suspect anything?
*Do you prefer eating meat or souls?
*What kind of music do you like?
Etc.
yet another student using CatGPT to do their schoolwork
The way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach. At least that’s what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene.
A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller
I know you all think *I’m* the chaotic one in my family, but a baboon troop just broke into my sister’s house and stole two jars of peanut butter and her husband chased them off with a baseball bat, an event she relayed by dropping a video with no explanation in the group chat
It costs over $330,00 for parents to raise a child to the age of 18
And that’s just for the alcohol
Swordsman: [draws sword] prepare to die
Me: [takes out pen] oh I don’t think so buddy
doctor: i have your blood test here
me: and?
doctor: you failed
my biggest flaw is saying “don’t worry i’m gucci” when in fact i am t.j maxx
*detective bangs on table*
I SAID GIVE ME A NAME!
“Uh, Aaron?”
Aaron… I like it!
*’Aaron’ leaves interrogation room, ready for a new life*
[The Price is Right Wheel-O-Fate stops on the 🕳 symbol]
DREW: ooh that’s 8 days in the hole
CONTESTANT: what?
[hole opens in the ground]
He just like my cat fr