[camping]
Her: *pointing* What’s that?
Me: Decoy bacon sammich. For bears
H: *tuts*
M: We’re safe as long as it’s there
H: Right…
*later – cut to me eating the sammich*
*later still – cut to me being mauled by a grizzly*
M: I get no pleasure saying this, but told you so
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Salesman: Try them by getting into your usual sleeping position.
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HER: No, in high school I was a-
ME: Wait, no-
HER: Skeleteen.
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ME: Well, for starters, I’m unemployed.
Back off. I’ve got enough to deal with today without having to make your death look like an accident.
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me: no
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