We need to make art so weird that when the tech companies try using it to train AI, the AI goes “listen I don’t know what this is and I’m scared”.
You Might Also Like
When my kids misbehave we watch ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’ and then I make them stand in a giant Petri dish while I set up the machine.
What is this special type of waffle called a “Tennis racket” and why does it taste like metal wires?
I just checked Web MD and I have everything
me: do you take walk-ins
dude at the crematorium: what
Pandemic’s been going on so long quarantine is now quaranadult
me: “no ill just have it here thanks”
bartender: [looks at my wife then back at me]
wife: “on the rocks means with ice keith”
Me, seeing five little monkeys jumping on the bed: *closes door*
Me: Sometimes I feel like instead of actively listening, you’re just waiting for your turn to talk
Poltergeist: throws dishes
Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she “couldn’t make it in to work.” This is called managing upwards, people.
For those who don’t know the difference, GRAPHIC NOVELS are COMPLETE stories, where as COMICS are people I try not to date any more.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don’t even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.
Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.
I once had a tweet go bacterial.
It’s Sunday morning. My 80-year-old neighbor has hiked and weeded her garden. I spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Twelve years ago today, my brother gave me one of his kidneys. I still can’t believe that he did it. I wasn’t even sick.
My favorite thing right now is calling air pods ‘air buds’ in front of my daughter and her friends.
ME: mom we’re out of eggs again!
MOM: it’s ok, there’s cereal
[later]
ME: *throwing cheerios at the mean neighbor’s house* this sucks
I’m at the Olympics, getting drunk. It’s great fun, but the American girls here sure don’t look like they do on twitter..
damn girl r u internet explorer cause u r not responding
Sorry my ringtone of NSYNC’s Bye Bye Bye went off during the funeral
Is your girlfriend wife material? I’m building a giant wife.
They say that exercise may help you live longer. Guess the grim reaper doesn’t want to make that much of an effort to catch up with you when you’re walking.
my 4-year-old was staring at me and said he was scared of “all the weird red lines” on my eyeballs and now i’m trying to decide whether or not to tell him that he and his brother are responsible for my lack of sleep, aka weird red eyeballs
BAE: wats for lunch
ME: i feel like a sandwich
BAE: u dont LOOK like a sandwich
ME: [secretly been trying to dress sandwichly for weeks] oh.
Kids: The floor is lava
God: Soon
“Sorry, we’re clothed” – Manager at a Nudist resort
“What a tangled web we weave”
-Earbuds
“Let’s just kill ALL the characters”
-Game of Thrones
I don’t drink. This means when I do karaoke, it’s on purpose.
I scream. You scream. We all scream. We’re being chased by bears. Life is a nightmare.