Who’d win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who’s watching you answer.
You Might Also Like
*Ghost Jail
Ghost 1: What’re you in for?
Ghost 2: Posession
Ghost 1: Nice
Homeless people are so lucky. They don’t have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: “Well, isn’t this quaint?”
Day Two: Murder
[During sex]
*Knock on the door*
Woman: Shit! It’s my boyfriend
Man: Oh shit!!! *Pulls out and jumps down from the bed* What do we do?
Woman: Hide in the closet. Quick!
Man: Okay, smart. Let me just…wait…
Woman: What?
Man: Karen, I’m your husband!
i am about to burn down everything cryptocurrency related
One time, my dad accidentally made himself a sandwich with catfood. He thought it was liverwurst. When I asked him what he thought the cat on the packaging was all about, he said “I thought that was for decoration“
Zeus: This box contains all the evils of the world: disease, death, hatred, racism, chaos –
Me: And I must never open it?
Zeus: You must open it every morning before you’ve even barely woken up
I’ve just had to reset my password to Delicate Luggage Handler as I was told it had to be case sensitive.
What’s up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts? I don’t even wanna talk to the living.
Want to feel old? This is what the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer look like now.
Whoever invented the boomerang had trouble letting go.
If ghosts are real, then why aren’t any of them pantsing people
Has anyone tried cutting the pandemic with a knife to make sure it isn’t actually an illusion cake?
The French cow says MEUX…
Pretty disappointed to find out that “Toys for Tots” isn’t a program where I trade my kids’s toys for delicious tater tots.
SEXY POTATO: Hey buddy, my eyes are up here, and over here, and down here, and around here and
Welcome to your 40s, you now think every car has its brights on
I gotta go grocery shopping. I’m the only snack left in the house.
Ain’t no mountain high enough? Have you seen them?
Every jogger is running towards cake or away from kale.
You know it was a good party when the neighbor sends you a text to say they managed to get your bra off their roof
Whenever I start to feel old, I just remind myself I’m still young enough to play a teenager on Beverly Hills 90210.
I asked my 5yo not to do something, and he just smiled maniacally and nodded his head until I gave up. I’m going to try this on my wife.
Men over 35 are terrible at sharing their momma’s secret recipe for her most requested dish.
And now we wait.
Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.”
Why is it called a backhanded compliment and not a slampliment?
Why do all these blurry people keep telling me I’m drunk?
Batman
Pros: Intelligence, strategist, master fighter, money, Shit shaped like bats, Alfred
Cons: Robin
You should be tunashamed of yourself!
Idea: flamethrower but instead of fire it shoots hungry mosquitos out at my enemies.