@AimeeHelene1
@lowkyhurt Parents be like “i don’t have a favorite child” then use one of your siblings birth dates as a password
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@lowkyhurt 
@QwertyJones3 Pictionary is the perfect game to play whenever you need an excuse to punch your friend in the face.
@daemonic3 “I’m a skeleton!”
*kisses and hugs you*
Stop that!
*kisses and hugs you again*
What kind of skeleton are you?!?
“An XO skeleton”
@What_Idiot_ What idiot called it “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and not “A Nightmare on Elf Street?”
@Julescoop The real power of a man…
Is the size of the smile on his woman’s face sitting next to him.
@TweetsofCooper When I order pizza online, in the “Special Instructions for the Driver” box, I put “Tell me I’m a pretty princess”.
And they do.
And I am.
@GrantTanaka Man buns are just the beginning, next thing you know it’ll be ok for men to have anything on their heads, like a goat or a small child
@robyn_vo I’m getting to the age where I have to drink milk to strengthen my bones or I could die if someone shoots me in the face.
@PleaseBeGneiss First person to eat a banana: this is not good
First person to peel a banana: dude guess what
@fro_vo a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink
that’s it. that’s the punch line