The homework is due on Monday.
“Can I get an extension?”
The homework is due on Monday.png
You Might Also Like
what are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness
I had a long list of important things that I had to get done today. I lucked out, I can’t find it. Anyone free for lunch?
i am such a dungeons & dragons guy in theory. but i just don’t have the attention span to make it work. if you invite me, i am gonna show up super excited, name my elf some shit like Hyundai Elantra, and then you’ll never hear from me again
Contact me if there’s an emergency. This includes if you’re planning on giving your pet a stupid name.
why is it called godzilla vs kong instead of when hairy met scaly
Girl, are you E=mc ²? Because I do not have the energy to figure out what is the matter with you.
Me: I’m having a heart attack.
BFF: you are not.
Me: I am *burp* oh nevermind
[about to have sex]
her: I can tell this is your first time
me: *opening box of bees* did you bring any birds
dear parents,
just because your child is smiling at their phone doesn’t mean they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. maybe they’ve stolen the declaration of independence
I always live in constant fear that a bicep avi is gonna steal my lady and treat her right
You get a fish bite!
You get a fish bite!
You get a fish bite!
You’re all getting fish bites!– OPiranha
All I’m saying is no one ever country westerns you like a hurricane.
Hell hath no fury like a toddler just waking up from a nap.
Me: I want more
Dentist: excuse me?
Me: you know how you take teeth out?
Dentist: yea
Me: do that but the opposite
A kitchen sponge is a better environment for growing bacteria than a petri dish.
Coworker met a guy on an app, went on vacation with him, got married ob the vacation and quit today, I will be speaking on her episode of either Dateline or Snapped.
The best way to get me to agree with you is to be attractive.
Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Millipede Parent: This little piggy went to market…
*ten years later* …and this little piggy went weee all the way home.
Instead of a pre-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy.
I just released my own fragrance.
Now everyone in the car is pissed off.
[pulled over]
Cop: Have you been drinking?
Me: No
Cop: *tosses me a sock* Stand on one foot and put this on
My toddler punched me in the eye, then made me kiss his hand, ’cause his fist hurt. And he’ll hear about it every Mother’s Day until I die.
Her: I’m hungry. If you loved me you’d give me breakfast in bed 😉
Me: *hands her my emergency poptart from my pillowcase* only because ily
My wife said if she heard me chewing one more time, she was going to murder me. So I stole the batteries from her hearing aids.
[sending nudes] I swear it’s not gonna be a photo of my cat
Do people who name their kids Tucker not know about the banana-fana song?
80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when you’re supposed to be mad
Whenever I see a lone shoe on the road I figure someone’s foot has been raptured
Home is where the Wi-Fi is.