A warning to all – be careful about drink driving as the police are out checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks and one thing led to another and I had a few too many, not a good idea & knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave the car at the pub and took a bus home, I passed the police check point, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breath tests, because I was on a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and no accidents, which was a real surprise because I have never driven a bus before…
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Nicholas Cage was only good in FaceOff because he was played by John Travolta.
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[first date]
ME: I’m having a great time
HER: I’m not
ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don’t even let my dog in here, Janet
Just saw Stuart Little hit a kid and keep driving
From Our CEO
To Our Valued Customersholy shit please come back we promise to start cleaning the bathroom
this isn’t my first rodeo
– what my 5yr old just yelled as he wrote “rodeo” for the 2nd time
I can’t believe that in this day and age, people are still wearing fir.
my cat just woke up, accused me of a crime, and went back to sleep
My daughter refuses to play with her Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
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the worst part of jury duty is having to shower with all the other jurors
I could never be a hostage taker, too many phone calls
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ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down.
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ME: capsicum
P: no
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I replied, “no, but your ugly-ass knockoff purse is.”
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