A thread of some SAVAGE/DEEPEST REPLIES in “Black Panther”
1.
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I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said “Good afternoon folks” they will let you take their order.
Turns out that the best way to find a flat head screw driver is to pretend to look for a phillips one.
If we date, pls know I will bird call to you from another aisle in the grocery store
I told my daughter her friend couldn’t come over today bc her Mom is a psycho, and she was on FaceTime with her friend.
[shootout]
Cop: I said fire a warning shot
Me: I already did.
Cop: you shot him in the face
Me: warning the others that I’m a very good shot
her: can you pick up the house
me: *putting on back brace* I can try
DENTIST: You were very brave. Do you want something from the toy bucket?
ME: No thank you.
The first rule of Fight Club is to have a sibling.
It’s a proud parenting moment seeing your kid throw away their own trash. You may also solve the mystery of the missing silverware.
There are 4 stages in life
1)You believe in Santa Claus
2)You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3)You are Santa Claus
4)You look like Santa Claus
Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00.
Me: I can’t come, I’m allergic.
Boss: But we’re not serving food.
Me: … yeah now I really can’t come.
At marathons I like to put glitter in cups so when participants grab one and throw it in their face they get a party instead of hydration
furnishing my new place and can’t pick what dining table or chairs I want. All I know is that my nachosaurus is on the way and needs somewhere to stand.
9: I’m writing a book based on a true story.
Me: Make me look good.
9: FINE. I’ll write something else.
Pilot: There’s a loose…
Engineer: Tape.
P: And some rivets hav…
E: Tape.
P: Also signs of metal fatigu…
E: Tape.
P: And a panel is missi…
E: Tape.
P: Hydraulic failu…
E: Tape.
P: Th…
E: Tape.
P:
E: Tape.
I don’t care how bad it looks in the casket I want to pay the boatman with fettuccine alfredo
I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.
Net flips and krill?
– killer whale text
LADY: this spaghetti is a little overdone
SERVER: you’re a DOG
*Decision made
I was thinking of being narsysistic.
But I can’t spell it.
So I’m going to be vein.
My son knows he can’t use the f word in public and he certainly can’t say it in front of his younger sister or she’ll want to use it and also he thinks the f word is “phone.”
The Friday File.
unless you’re dead wearing a sheet you got no business ghosting ppl.
I don’t think The Proclaimers realized how far 500 miles really is.
I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed “dust me” on my coffee table recently.
Siri, tell me what these manicure ladies are saying about me.
It isn’t a coincidence almost all movies about camping are horror.
I bet at least ONE of Leonardo DiCaprio’s friends has called him Leotard. Probably Mark Wahlberg…
my brother: grandma’s funeral is going to be closed casket
me: oh no
my brother: are you sad you won’t be able to see her one last time
me: no, it’s because this was going to be my only chance to pry her blueberry pie recipe from her cold, dead hands
Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.