Damn … History Channel 😀
#archaeohistories
You Might Also Like
Life hack :
Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills.
And Satan said “Let them drink instant coffee”.
You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.
Hi I’m making some changes in my life if you don’t hear from me you are one of them.
We could be like Romeo and Juliet. You go die and I’ll go to sleep.
watering my plants with Mtn Dew to recreate their native environment
boss: can i talk to you in my office
me: anything you have to say to me [gesturing to emotional support alligator] you can say to phillip too
Me (young, naive): I can’t wait to grow up and buy all the candy I want
Me (now): I’ll give you $100 to stop me from eating this entire cake
[first person to dance] what’s happening to my extremities
Me: Do I get naked now or at the end? I’ve never done this before and I’m really nervous.
Priest: For the love of god, just kiss the bride.
I got new neighbors. Very noisy girls. I unsuccessfully asked them to lower their music severally. Unsuccessfully informed caretaker. So today, I’d had enough. I put on Spotify, tweaked the Sony system to 100, & left. My phone is ringing like nonsense. Unsuccessfully.
“You had a life. It was this long. Here’s a rock.” – tombstones
Always the person who refuses to go to the wedding.
Never the bride.
I never realized just how much of parenting is surreptitiously throwing away artwork.
Roses are red,
Change comes with the tide
“tell me doc, is it bad news?”
“you’ve got piles”
…
“piles of health that is! LOL”
…
“except in your legs. gonna have to amputate those”
me as a kid: that microwave in spy kids where you can make instant mcdonalds is my dream come true
me now as an adult: that microwave in spy kids where you can make instant mcdonalds is my dream come true
When someone asks you to hold their pet hand grenade, be skeptical. It may be a trick.
Instead of saying you’re gluten intolerant, just say you go against the grain.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? It’s because you are feeding them bread Karen.
5 year old: Where does wind come from, daddy?
Me: It comes from people asking too many questions.
[at a Doja Cat concert]
me [loudly]: PSPSPSPSPS
I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who’s got access to filters
I put a complaint box in the break room… everyone thinks HR put it there… now I know all the crap people are saying about me…
Me: Let’s get a library card.
Her: It’s too expensive.
M: They’re FREE, dummy.
[1 year later]
*receives bill for $190 in late fees*
Hug your kids as often as possible.
They can’t break your shit when you’ve got them in a full body lock
*sees a newborn baby*
One day, someone will write mean things about you on the Internet
Me: *stands on one leg*
My flamenco teacher: No.
When you say you’re a “foodie”, that means you like to eat gross food and then pretend that you like it? When I was a kid that just meant I got dessert.