Anyone to a designer: “looks weird”
Designer: “can you be more specific?”Designer to designer: “looks weird”
Other designer: “yeah, it does”
You Might Also Like
*me struggling with life*
I guess I should start watching a new show.
I built a tricycle pram tonight
*adds bike mechanic to the resume*
Days after my plane crashed, I find a phone. Thankfully, it has enough battery for me to go online & argue with strangers. I remain stranded
Just wanted to let you all know that I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in. I’ve only gone and poisoned myself, thanks to my cooking skills. What I thought was an onion for my salad turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out early spring.
I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot that I’m fat and can’t run for more than 5 minutes
I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’
I’m a little sad about my weight gain, but like they say, “suck it up, cup of butter.”
“Are u going to the circus?” is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife’s question: “how does my make-up look?”
I believe in love, but I also believe in sledgehammers so it’s complicated.
me: there are plenty of white rappers
him: …dr seuss
Yoga Instructor: and finally we move into downward-facing dog.
Me: you forgot updog.
Yoga Instructor: what’s up-
Wife: -NOOOO!
Just misread a headline ‘Trump wins big’ as ‘Trump bins wig’. I thought: ‘about time too’.
Snail cop: So tell me about the sloth that attacked you.
Snail: It all happened so fast.
Being off twitter for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back on twitter
As a kid I wanted a Jetsons like future, but now I get emails from my vacuum cleaner so be careful what you wish for.
Really shocked to hear about the dead worm. I didn’t even know it was sick.
I’m at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party.
me: i’m so sad and hopeless and directionless
my brains: buy stuff
me: no listen i need a purpose
brain: a purchase?
Me: I made you a CD.
Coworker: This says songs you hate for the people you hate.
[Friday morning meeting]
Me: *dressed in a hockey mask and carrying a big knife*
Boss: Nice Friday the 13th costume.
Me: It’s Friday the 13th?
Judge: You have power of attorney?
Me:*curling two briefcases* Pfft. What do you think, bruh?
My neighbor rolled her garbage bins out at 5:30am so in turn I entered her cell number on five car warranty websites
Auditioning for a commercial:
Me: Mmm. So delicious. I don’t believe it’s not butter.
Director: Cut, cut! It’s can’t. The word is can’t. Ok? And action.
Me: Mmm. So delicious. I don’t believe it’s not can’t.
Me: Maybe you should slow down on those granola bars. We got 30 yesterday. And there are…4. 4 left.
Husband: This house is a prison.
7-year-old: *dumps her toy dinosaurs all over the floor*
Me: You can’t just leave your dinosaurs everywhere.
7-year-old: It was their planet first.
My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies?
I was kicked out of mime school once. I hadn’t put the safety lock on and my finger guns went off. The whole class took cover in their boxes
[after dinner]
Me: I can’t eat another bite.
Also me: *whimsically eats entire spongebob ice cream cake*
Based on my family’s hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I’m never in a coma.
That moment the school calls because 15 was caught drinking at school and it’s still the same principal that had to call your parents.