JOKER ENDING EXPLAINED! those names were the people who worked on the film
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Only I can prevent forest fires? Why are you leaving me in charge of forest fires? I can’t even prevent chafing.
God: have a seat it may take a while to explain what you do.
Sloth:
God:
Sloth:
God:
Sloth:
God:
Sloth:
God:
Sloth:
God:
Sloth: *begins moving towards chair*
God: okay actually you got it have fun on earth.
Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I’ve been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are.
[Ancient Roman to little girl]
“So, what’s your name?”
“Ivy”
“And how old are you?”
“Same”
me: grew the baby for 38 weeks, pushed the baby out of my body, spends 99% of my time with the baby
the baby all day long: DADA DADA DADA DADA
Sick of obnoxious ring tones in the office, so I’ve set mine to the sound of a girl screaming (horror movie style).
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life
Sick and tired of my bank account taking a hit whenever I buy stuff.
Nice try little pine tree air freshener, but this gas station restroom needs the efforts of an entire forest.
the joker: lol i’m going to get rid of the one thing you care most about
batman [through gritted teeth]: pancakes
robin [slowly being dropped into pool of sharks]: what
Reporter: Is there anything you can do to make people hate you more?
Rodger Goodell: Coldplay is doing the Super Bowl halftime show.
no one:
my roommate at 3:26 am: hey man, did you eat the last Pop-Tart?
Interviewer: If you get this job what will you bring to the team?
Me: cake…I’ll bring cake
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Her: You must think our relationship is some sort of game.
Me: Nope. Games are fun.
*full moon emerges from behimd clouds*
nno–nonono it cant be…RUN. FAR AWAY FROM ME. NOW. IM A– IM A–
*turns into bungalow*
IM A WAREHOUSE
Dry January. Only drinking dry martinis.
*walks into the funeral home*
*climbs into a coffin*
I’m ready when you are
I love having a bowl for my keys by the door, it’s really helpful to have one less place to look for them
Optimus Prime’s mom walking in on him while he’s carjacking
[Batman at McDonald’s]
What’s your chicken sandwich called?
-A McChicken
And the rib?
-A McRib
[pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
This is my main handbag, and this is the handbag I have to fit everything that doesn’t fit in my main handbag
As my friend confessed, “My teenage daughter never even talks to me,” I struggled to conceal my jealousy.
I’ve noticed you keep tiny pictures of family members in your wallet. Nice, I didn’t know you played. I’m looking to trade my Nana card.
we got a new bathroom accessory and now the toilet is amazed when I pee
Torches were originally called “roamin’ candles” No, YOU shut up!
Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either.
judge: *banging gavel* guilty
me: *twirling my hair* of being too handsome?
judge: *giving me a little kiss on the cheek* of murder
My husband let me sleep late and in that time he cleaned the kitchen, installed a new faucet, and took out the trash.
I don’t know what he did wrong, but frankly, I don’t mind if he keeps doing it.