An unintentionally hysterical ad offering proof why ‘branding’ always needs a second pair of eyes.
You Might Also Like
Teenage Mutant Ninja Wordle
⬜🟩🟩🟩⬜
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟦⬛🟦⬛🟦🟦
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬛⬛⬛🟩
⬜🟩🟩🟩⬜
kidnapper: [putting more duct tape over my mouth] i said stop eating it
Mulder: we’re trapped with ghosts in the stomach of a metal worm.
Scully: those are just people, Mulder. We’re on a train.
Pandemic’s been going on so long quarantine is now quaranadult
*I describe my lost cat to the cops*
Sketch Artist: *draws my cat*
Detective Dog: *adds WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE beneath the picture*
“Who took my good screwdriver?”
-Every dad ever
in 2nd grade we had to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up and i just drew myself with sunglasses on
YOGI: Close your eyes and breathe.
ME: [angrily rolling up my mat] I was under the impression this was a picnic and you were a talking bear
Of all the terrible tweets credited to sausagey-sounding clerics, this one is by Father Wurst.
This is the hardest I’ve laughed all morning:
Witch: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
Rapunzel: … Why tho
Witch: I wanna climb the tower
Rapunzel: Have you- have you seen the news? It’s close quarters up here
Witch: C’mon I gotta talk to you
Rapunzel: Can I just drop you a Zoom link
Synonym rolls all look different but taste the same
16 zombie actors injured on movie set. Saddly no one noticed for 3 hours.
[at fire-station]
“I’m putting together a naked firemen calendar and wondered if you guys would like to be involved?”
“Sure. What charity is it for?”
“Charity?”
“Why the hell wooden I be?”
– Pinocchio
[shipwreck diary]
Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week
The reason fish come wrapped in newspaper is because the easiest way to catch them is to sneak up on them when they’re reading.
my tattoos don’t make me unprofessional, my desire to not work does
It’s really only a Supreme Court if it comes with sour cream.
AT MY FUNERAL:
My old school nurse: *throws an ice pack and a cracker into my coffin* That should help.
I’m supposed to wear a blouse and slacks to an event. This looks like a job for FuneralPants.
another day, another instance of me forgetting to turn off my recording after an interview and otter listening to me talk to my dog
Me: *winks*
Him: *googles signs of a stroke*
wife: please be nice to my sister-in-law.
me: i’ll treat her like my own blood.
sister-in-law: hey guys.
me: [screams and passes out]
My friends wanted to do an escape room, but I was worried it might eat up a lot of time, so, in order to encourage creativity, I ate a lot of beans, cabbage, and cheap beer for the two days beforehand.
We set a new record.
Mother Using Facebook Night Mode Afraid She’s Stumbled Onto Dark Web
Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They’d be like “did you get my text?” and you could just be like “I can’t read.”
yall want some gasoline milk
Me: “What’s the haps, yo?”
19yo niece: …
Me: …
19yo niece: …
Me: “I’m sorry.”
I can’t stand people who are indirect
You know who you are