If anyone’s looking for a new podcast recommendation, check out the one I listened to over the weekend. Can’t remember what it was called but it offered a fascinating insight into its chosen topic. Well worth a listen if you get a chance 👍
You Might Also Like
Dance like theres no tomorrow OH MY GOD THERES NO TOMORROW WHY ARE WE DANCING
He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could “relax” so now I’m sitting here suspicious that he’s done something to piss me off.
deer don’t deserve antlers. I would do so much cooler stuff with antlers than just “rub them against a tree sometimes”
boss: you’re fired
me: [like a movie director] CUT…CUT… ok try again but this time don’t say that
toddler [getting ready to jump off the bed]
wife: Do something
me *takes phone out to record it*
wife: Do something else
[pumpkin patch]
Cinderella: how many miles on this one?
Farmer: please stop kicking them
Drove my Chevrolet to the levrolet but the levrolet was dry.
– an early draft
Decided to use the classic celebrity break up picture torn in half method to announce that my cat no longer likes these treats.
God: Oh heck, I dropped my newest spider in the ocean
Octopus: I’m cool with this, actually
11’s science fair volcano lost because they didn’t appreciate my addition of figures showing a human sacrifice.
Me: pretty much any name can be unisex
My son Stephanie: I hate you dad
When the stylist spins you back around
If it wasn’t for my coworkers who arrive to work after me I would never know it’s been raining for 7 days.
Where do I see myself in five years? *kicks feet up on desk* Sir, does my resumé list “psychics abilities” under skills? No. Next question.
12yo daughter: *SCREAMS*
Me: WHAT?!12yo: A spider!
Me: It’s just a spider12yo: I don’t want it to bite me!
Me: You’ll never be a super hero w/that attitude
My son just literally ran into a trash can, then got up and walked around it to put his empty snack wrapper in my hand, if you’re wondering what it’s like to be a mom.
Don’t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza….
*surgeon opens cooler during transplant*
*cooler is full of Gatorade*
“Wait but this means…”
*cut to surgeon’s kids dumping kidney on coach*
Inception (2010) – Five men and one woman plot to nap on a plane.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Worst perfume name ever.
6: Daddy, when did the first Thanksgiving happen?
Me: Great question! The first Thanksgiving dinner was 400 years ago–
6: –Oh, were you there?!
Me:
“Wow the Good Doctor is nuts.. can’t believe this is on network TV”
One Tree Hill in 2009:
It’s 11:48 PM. You can’t sleep. Underneath your bed, there’s a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar.
This probably isn’t good
need a new bf mines broken 😐
If dolphins are so smart how come I managed to trick one into investing all its savings in my phoney pyramid scheme?
Why does Mommy always say no?
Well Son, if Mommy said yes all the time you’d have 20 more siblings.
Hey, Lady Gaga. I know your fan base would probably revolt, but can you please hire the Goo Goo Dolls as your opening act so you can call it the Goo Goo Gaga Tour? Thanks in advance for your consideration.