I have alopecia. I don’t wear a wig at work because it’s a very physical job. I was in the washroom and a customer with children were washing their hands. One child pointed at me and EXCLAIMED
“Mommy is that a boy or a girl?”
So I barked.
🤷🏼♀️
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Today we’re at the children museum, so of course the only thing 2 wants to do is pick fake fruit off a fake tree.
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6yo: noooo!!!
Me: how about salami, tomatoes, cheese & bread?
6: YES!!I win.
On Amazon looking for a cat water fountain and 😂😂😂
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*Tom Brady breathes a sigh of relief*
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Officer, why do you say “full body cavity search” like it’s a bad thing?
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No. I wasn’t being sarcastic.
I was being a giraffe.
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Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside I’m composing a strongly worded email
Kid: …
Me: …
Kid: …
Me: …
Kid: …
Me: …
Kid: I just wanted to see you.[4:07 am]
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not seeing the problem
Me: Damn i really need to do my essay
Also me:
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“No”
Cop: *points* Your buck naked
[turns to deer in passenger seat] “Jesus Frank, put your fur back on”
Her: you’re in no state to drive
Me: Jesus will take the wheel
Jesus: can’t… drunk
Me: but you were only ordering water all night
Jesus: *tries to wink at camera*
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Me: Wendy’s cheeseburger, fries and Coke.
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