You guys are all saying that it’s a parody account that tweeted that she was offended when a guy opened a door for her but the same thing happened with me. I too held open a door for a lady she yelled at me and told me to get out of the ladies bathroom.
You Might Also Like
*Puts couch down as emergency contact*
My cousins baby child keeps pointing at me and saying ‘cat’
ME: We left the kids at their grandparents
FRIEND: Date night?
ME: No we just don’t like them anymore
I was having a shitty Thursday. Then my ex texted me. Now I’m having a shitty Valentine’s Day as well.
Me scrolling Twitter: ok that’s enough
My brain: what if the next tweet is The One
Who has two thumbs and refused to read the instruction manual for his electric carving knife? Not my Uncle Joel, that’s for sure.
Brains are awesome… I wish everyone had one.
They say money can’t buy love but this tray of lasagna begs to differ.
Me: Ugh, I’d rather die.
Bartender: Literally nobody said anything.
Just overheard someone say “it’s Friday somewhere” lmao. Like… it’s just… not.
Him: I love you to the moon.
Me: And back?
Him: Shhh, let’s just get you to the moon.
I got arrested for punching a mime and the judge sentenced me to six months of community theater
cold water immersion sounds cool but i’m doing this other thing called warm bed immersion
When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say “Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima,” & then start swearing in Japanese.
“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!” said mommy bear. “Who hasn’t” muttered daddy bear. “What?! You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!”
I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones
Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he’s driving them crazy?
Me as a principal: Maybe
Getting money from “the Tooth Fairy” is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.
“Hermit crab” describes me twice.
It isn’t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door.
I’m fine by the way.
Her: *firing a stun gun at my head*
Me: *screaming* No! I said “I like brain TEASERS”
Onion rings…
Onion rings…
Onion rings…
Onion rings…
Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.
Wow. Just found out that in England they’re called “Alvin and the Crispmunks”.
My grandparents just gave me a mint condition GameCube as a surprise because they know I love video games. They think it’s new 😂🥺
My son asked why my legs are “so fat.” You’re damn right I’m here for validation.
Beards are a privilege, not a right
my son just asked me where do pizzas come from adn has yet to ask me where do babeys come from. thats my boy
This girl text me: “your adorable
I text back: no YOU’RE adorable
Now she likes me and I was just pointing out her typo…