Can someone who is good with computers help me out? I keep running out of storage space for some reason
You Might Also Like
@Lottie_Poppie I’m at my ideal weight. If I was a baby blue whale
Last night I slept for 8 hours straight, and then for 2 hours gay.
How to apply mascara:
Pull wand from tube
Open your eyes like a haunted doll coming to life
Stick it to the man
The subtext of Moby Dick, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, and most of Conrad is that you should never make eye contact with a retired sailor because he’s just waiting to tell you some interminable story about his time at sea.
My new lady Dr just flirted with me. Bit her bottom lip and told me I’m too sweet.
*Her exact words were “severely diabetic,” but I know how to read the signs.
I could pick up a Prius if there was a pizza trapped under it
Me, as a judge: OK we’ll take a quick recess now.
*lawyers start discussing lawyer things*
*I go outside and swing on the swingset*
Have you seen the new movie, “Constipation”? It may not have come out yet.
We had 7 chocolates and 3 kids, so I ate 4 cause I am a problem solver.
asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life
Adele is an amazing singer. The problem is, when one of her songs comes on, everyone else thinks they are, too
the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of
MAMA GRAPE (to Baby Grape): If you’re going outside, be sure not to wear sunscreen so you get all dry and wrinkly!!
PAPA GRAPE: Ah, you’re raisin them well…
[aliens talking]
“They call it a sel-fee”
A photograph of oneself?
“Sometimes several”
But why?
“We have one theory”
Go on
“They’re idiots”
Searching twitter for the account of the bee that just stung me so I can pull up some of it’s old questionable tweets
003: Hey
004: Hey
003: Hey
005: Hey
003: Hey
006:
003: I said Hey
006: What’s going on?– 4 Non Bonds
Oh, you hate leftovers? Maybe you should’ve thought of that last night when I cooked a big meal and you were “not that hungry.”
God: Any other requests?
Angel: Ooh! Do a cow in sunglasses, holding a cigarette!
God: No problem.
I have a Russian friend who’s a sound technician.
And a Czech one too.
The only time my doorbell rings is when someone is bringing me food so it will henceforth be called the dinner bell.
friend: ”how’s life?“
me: ”everything’s on track thanks“the track:
Just made an appointment with a cardiologist. Don’t be alarmed, I’m sure all my cardigans are fine. I just wanna make sure they fit.
The mice in my apartment left me a note that said as long as I keep buying store brand graham crackers, there’s no need for traps.
I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.
the fondue…? you mean, my drinking cheese?
The best thing about going to my Parents at the weekend is my Mum’s meatloaf.
She can’t do the voice but she looks just like him.
I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT TO HAVE MY MIND “BLOWN” ANYMORE. IF DINOSAURS COME BACK & I SEE ONE I’LL JUST BE LIKE “GOOD”
Hearing a toddler say “uh oh” from a different room: cheaper than joining a gym and just as effective a workout
I got 99 tabs open but my work ain’t one.