Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing?
Yeah, me neither.
Autocorrect wants to capitalize bacon, out of respect.
You Might Also Like
Crows that are stuck together are called Vel-crows
A man caught me applying chap stick, so I just started eating it so it wouldn’t be weird.
Him: Why is my sandwich 6 inches thick?
Me: The ham expires tomorrow.
Earth? yeah, I’d hit that -meteor
They say if you love something you should let it go, but I don’t think this pastrami sandwich will come back to me, so I’m just eating it.
i sadistically pat the top of my sandwiches before eating them like good job now you die.
My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches
“Oooo, a window. Let’s see if I can fly through it.” – Dumbass birds
A guy asked me out!
Well, a guy asked me if I was going to be the same place he is.
FINE, my boss called to see if I was coming to work.