Swedish for common sense.
You Might Also Like
I hate to brag, but I just had some sizzling hot, steamy action in the shower.
(Tried to clear the drain with baking soda, vinegar and boiling water)
When people don’t text me back I write their obituary and send it to them.
I made a Tinder account for 1st time ever today for some blog research and it’s going pretty well.
Almost broke up with my therapist on the spot when she said she had never seen Ratatouille. How could she possibly help me she knows nothing
Remember when you could strangle people with your phone? Those were the days..
The number of supermarket loyalty cards I have suggests I am anything but.
This is now a ‘I have washed my hands’ emoji 🙌
Doctor: you have to stop eating pizza
Me: but why?
Doctor: bc I need to examine you
Frankenstein’s monster is on a date.
Her: “So, are you religious?”
Him: “I’m part Catholic.”
Her: “On your father’s or mother’s side?”
Him: “Neither, it’s my left foot.”
#FrankensteinFriday #RubbishJokes
Someone left an honest-to-goodness Yellow Pages phonebook on my front porch today. I immediately notified the Smithsonian. kids, ask your parents what a phonebook is.
Are these fish:
A. A different species
B. The same species
C. These two fish aren’t even from the same ocean and aren’t closely related
“Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint.” – mafia spelling bee.
Today, I saw a sign outside a dental office that said “We do our business in your mouth” and I haven’t stopped laughing.
TODAY
Tried to pull up my long sleeve but my fingers slipped and I punched myself in the chest. My husband really hit the jackpot.
APOLOGISE NOW!!!
*slowly cracks open a beer while the cop explains why he pulled me over*
villain: heh… this attack will feel like the entire universe bearing down on you!
me: can’t really wrap my head around that. dumb it down please
villain:
villain: this attack will feel like a horse kicking you in the head twice
me: oh shit
The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget.
People who live in Lego houses should not walk around without shoes.
Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from the jokes.
I’m rubber, you’re glue. I’m destroying the planet and you are made of dead horses
Bacon causes cancer.
Canadian bacon apologizes.
Me: “Your mum sucks.”
GF: “That’s not very nice.”
Me: “No, it’s wonderful.”
Welcome to parenthood. Your safe word is now, “What’sthatnoiseohnothekidsareawake!”
I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane.
A rap song where I’m just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with “treats” so he stays interested.
Never go to bed angry. Stay up and make sure they don’t sleep either.
My superpower is being able to watch a movie 3 times and getting something new out of it each time (because I was scrolling twitter each time).