[American TV]
SHOWRUNNER: We’ll have 184 episodes over 8 years and possibly 3 spin-offs.[British TV]
SHOWRUNNER: We’ll run for 63 years. There will be one episode a year. Some years there won’t be any. Alternatively we can do 8 episodes right now then never mention it again.
You Might Also Like
There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…
..Frying the bacon
Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?
Boomers: People are too sensitive and need to toughen up
Millennials: People need to care more and help each other out
Gen X: Die Hard is a Christmas movie
some of you youths are gonna be real disappointed when u discover that turning 30 just means you still have all the same weird interests but can’t turn your head all the way to the left anymore
Surgeon: We’ve successfully removed part of your intestine
Me: That took guts, LOL
Patient: Who is that guy?
Surgeon: I thought you knew him
Just once I’d like to run into Kanye and refer to him as Kanye Davidson just to see his head explode.
Bootstraps
I consider myself Christlike in that I refuse to believe my parents ever had sex with each other.
me: i lost my luggage.
airport worker: did you carry on?
me: *sigh* how can i?
#Caturday
”Can’t touch this.”
“Can’t touch this.”
“Can’t touch this.”
–MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
*bunny hops to the smell of bacon cooking
Me: i’m so hungover.
Wife: what do you need?
Me: *groans* some hair of the dog.
Wife: *empties vacuum bag on me*
*answering phone* Mom you know instead of calling me you can just text, it’s easier.
*gets text from Mom* It’s your mother. Call me.
Know who put dinosaur bones in the ground? Dinosaurs. They WANTED us to think they were extinct. And now they’re waiting. Waiting to strike.
when it’s time for me to follow thru with plans I agreed to
Me (feeling good in my new work outfit)
6yo student: My grandma has that dress.
teacher: how long ago did the dinosaurs go extinct?
me: *extreme staind voice* it’s been awhile–
I’d never go on a dating website.
I believe in meeting guys the old fashioned way, hitchhiking.
HER: I wish I lived in the 20s
ME: no u dont
HIM: right bc they had no womens rights
M[was going to say bc they didnt have Netflix]: exactly
Him: You need to work on your communication skills
Me: [through megaphone right up in his face] PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC
checking out some reviews of my local library
I’m tired tomorrow.
Google just alerted me to light traffic in my area which is odd because I’m in the bathtub.
Me [sending a text to my mom meant for my bestie]: can’t, doing hot girl shit
Mom [after 20 min of typing]: Honey, have you prayed about this?
Me: Wow, I love your new yoga pants!
Wife: Thanks. Can I have them back?
So I asked my husband to buy 6 potatoes.
Well it’s been a week and I’ve already f’ed things up so here’s to 2025
Wanna feel smart? I just texted my sister a picture of her phone she left here
*draws a line in the sand*
*looks at the line in the sand*
*decides that it might be time to vacuum*