The term is sous chef not Sioux chef. It’s a role in the kitchen not the leader of a proud indigenous tribe.
You Might Also Like
(First date)
Her: I like men who take charge.
Me: *trying to impress her* *shoves finger into electric socket*
My husband has been singing Mambo Number 5 for an hour. If he keeps this up, his next tune will be Divorce Number 1.
remember if you’re not helping cook be sure to ask (in a half hearted fashion) if they need any assistance and leave the room before they answer
I got the scar above my lip from *my time in prison.
*When my coffee mug launched itself out of my cupboard before work.
All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:
Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”
How do I know it will be a full moon tonight?
Exhibit A and Exhibit B.*points to 2 ferocious beasts who keep calling me “mom”*
Brain: She’s cute, talk to her…
Me: but what should I say?
Brain: ask her if she likes meat…
Me: What?
Brain: c’mon man, do it…
Investing in beetcoin
TOP STORY: Do websites create articles with lists and arbitrary numbers to get you to click through? Here are 15 examples you wont believe
Was thinking of going to go to the gym and run 9 miles this morning so that I can look gud in college….but then I remembered I have TikTok filters 😉
#nofilter
GENIE: u have 3 wishes
ME: give Taylor Swift 1 extra ear
GENIE: k
ME: a blue one
GENIE: righto
ME: now make Kanye hear out of it
GENIE: dude
How to lose an argument with an idiot – 1 Argue.
Me: *levitating, a jumble of furniture swirls chaotically around me*
Him: so, you still mad?
DOCTOR: Your baby seems a bit sluggish
SNAIL WIFE: Oh no
HUSBAND: *thinks about their slug neighbour* I KNEW IT
*using intercom*
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO POTLUCK?!funeral director- shh this is a funeral!!
*using intercom*
I whisper – “what do you mean there’s no potluck?”
*Puts on muscle shirt*
*Looks in mirror*
Maybe it takes a few minutes to kick in.
For the record, riding my unicycle to the bank robbery was a terrible idea.
[loud knocking]
“OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!”
Me: Prove it.
“HOW?”
Me: Sing “Roxanne.”
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancée by the way he hasn’t murdered her.
“You haven’t changed since college” isn’t necessarily a compliment, it could mean that you looked 40 when you were 20. Have a great day!
If you’re wondering if humans are idiots we hunt ducks with guns when they will walk right up to you if you have bread
Benefits of dating me:
1. You’re the smart one
You hate me: I’m the person that gets stuck in the slide at a water park. Everyone smashes into the back of me and we ooze down the slide in a sad people pile. I’m so sorry.
Stuff the woman sitting in front of me has googled in class today:
Henry Cavill
Clam chowder
New England clam chowder
Where is New England
Old England
Henry CavillAnd, no, it’s not a chowder class.
I thought Snapchat was just a conversation with a sassy black woman.
Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.
[at a store]
Me: What can you tell me about those sunglasses?
*sunglasses loudly arguing about politics*
Clerk: Well, they’re polarized
PHARAOH: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science.
SUBJECT: should we leave them a note to explain how we did it?
PHARAOH: yes, take this down
SUBJECT: ok
PHARAOH: cat, dog, snake, bird, cat, man with the head of a cat, dog, cat, bird