Absolutely batshit that they had one Irish character in Harry Potter and they just went with Seamus Finnegan. Like calling an American character Huckleberry McRib.
You Might Also Like
The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing.
[first day as a midwife]
ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head!
NURSE: You’re at the wrong end.
A big shout out to my mother who can’t hear me otherwise.
They say the camera adds 10 lbs.
Looks like fast food added the other 40.
Horrifying if literal: shit storm
[at home]
ac repair guy: yup, the unit can be fixed
me: well..what’s the problem
ac repair guy: just shit in the filter
me: wait..to fix it??
If you’re creepy and you know it ~~~> buy a van
I live in fear of my kids going outside when it’s raining, because they could get wet and multiply.
Why is it called an exorcist’s holy water and not disinfecthaunt?
…and send
humans only use 10% of their treadmills
TV shows and movies have given us the impression that working in the FBI is exciting, but it actually involves carrying a bunch of boxes out of a house. It’s like having to help someone move every day.
Cop: you know why I pulled you over?
Me: You thought I was black?
Cop: Haha. Yep. You’re free to go sir
Come back after dark. Bring your friends
Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald’s burgers!
Hamburgler’s Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect.
If you’re hitting the gas every time she tries to open the passenger side door, remember, the 8th time is always the funniest.
If a vacuum cleaner really sucks does this mean it’s good or bad?
me: woah real life russian dolls
midwife: get out
My kids keep fighting over who gets to fool me next and maybe that’s the real prank
Area 51? I thought we were all gonna storm Forever 21.
“No man is an island.”
– someone with a basic grasp of land forms and human biology
I have a friend visiting from out of town. What’s your fave place in LA to look at your phone??
Every grocery store has a manager, a clerk, and a person standing in front of the spices learning how alphabetical order works for the very first time.
Me: omg look how bad they messed up my name at Starbucks, this isn’t even close
lupita nyong’o: that’s my coffee
saving this screenshot for the next translation/ localisation debate, excellent work everyone
[ date ]
her: i have a PhD
zombie: *jaw falls off*
If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, “this’ll do”
Why isn’t a fleet of helicopters just called hellacopters.
It’s password awareness Friday.
Today I offer free consulting.
Send me a password and I tell you if it’s strong.
Doctor: I’m afraid we’ve lost him.
Mother: What? But he was just getting a few stitches!
Doctor: It’s just a figure of speech, ma’am, he’s right here in the morgue.
what doesn’t kill me should try again tomorrow