What is a good name for a nun in Heaven?
If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong.
The answer is “Nun of the Above”.
You Might Also Like
Some of you reached your wit’s end almost immediately.
Man: You’re killing me
Comedian: [strangling man with cloth] this is great material
professor x: whats your superpower
ostrich: i lay big egg
professor x [telepathically to x-men]: i can save us money on breakfast
ostrich [telepathically]: egg no for sale
There must’ve been a good reason Zimmerman pulled a gun on his wife. Like, maybe she was walking down the street, minding her own business.
Lois Lane survived until she was, like, 30, without Superman. Then she starts falling off buildings practically once a week.
I think Superman was pushing her.
<enter password>
ikilledaman
<password must contain a number>
*7 hours later*
ikilled2men
Him: What dat mouth do?
Me: Cookie Monsters a box of mini corn dogs.
I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.
Awww. It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..
“Children, try not to embarrass me at the supermarket,” I say to the 30 teddy bears buckled into my minivan.
Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
Through a telescope, I see a woman on a planet light years away.
She waves.
I wave.
I awkwardly realize she is waving to the guy behind me.
[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands]
Oh dear god not again
“HELP! Frankenstein’s attacking me!”
911: Frankenstein? Or Frankenstein’s *monster*?
“AAAH he ripped my arm off”
911: Which one did, sir
We have guests, go get the fancy cups.
I watch football on a dodgy box but follow the match on twitter. There is about a 1 minute delay with the dodgy box so I give my prediction to my son as to who will score next. My record is 100% and my son thinks I’m a genius.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done as a parent is hold back crying laughter while telling my kid not to refer to Aquaman as Seaman.
Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn’t know, all mine have died in mysterious, firey car crashes.
“If that isn’t doing it for you, just give it a little smack. On the bottom. Harder. Little harder. Almost there.”
– The waiter explaining to me how to get ketchup out of the bottle.
Body: I need water.
Me: Diet Coke?
Body: No, water.
Me: Wine?
Body: NO, WATER!
Me: Coffee it is.
nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple
How many towels can your young adult son use when he visits? All of them. Even ones you’ve forgotten you own.
[space]
MARS: March was named after me
PLUTO: So, Mickey Mouse’s dog was named after me
MARS: …
PLUTO: …
MARS: I’m a planet
PLUTO: Sonuvabi—
Me: Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Dog:
Me: No? Nothing? I don’t get it. You learned “sit” in like ten minutes.
I have a Chewbacca bathrobe and didn’t shave my legs so I’d have pants to match.
[job interview]
How did you lose your last job?
“I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future.”
Sir, this is McDonald’s.
“I want that fable on my desk, AESOP!”
Yes. these are prescription Oreos.
*gains winter weight for “insulation”
*is now fat and cold
Biting her lip, she felt herself grow hot when she saw the sheer size of him.
“You’re so big,” she cooed to her student loan debt.