It isn’t a coincidence almost all movies about camping are horror.
You Might Also Like
me: [flips over]
my bed: ah the cool side of the person
Are kids ever okay at all?😂
I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger. But, I’m okay. Thanks.
Using the phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” only shows that you’re unoriginal and know nothing about spinal cord injuries.
A number of people involved in the violence at the U.S. Capitol on January 6 are still at large. Help the #FBI apprehend them. If you recognize this individual, submit a tip to When you leave a tip, reference photo 223.
She had a LITTLE lamb?
No way! I watched Mary make six trips to the buffet.
My dad is helping me clean my apartment. He picked up my vr controller and asked “Do I wanna know what this is? I’m not judging”
Please send help, I’m am deceased.
Immortality would suck. I don’t want to spend the next 800 years trying to explain Gangnam Style to my great-grandfather.
In Seattle, there’s a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.
If we’re talking & I start running my nails up & down your arm, I either really like you, or I’m looking for an artery close to the surface.
Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal.
Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child.
Googles discreet, motion-activated cameras so I can finally figure out who is drinking directly from the milk carton.
I think Jesus came up with that whole virgin birth story. No one wants to picture their parents doing it.
I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on Chinese food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly Chinese food.
i think every presidential candidate should get a worm in their brain. if the worm dies, they are disqualified. if it survives until election day, then the fattest worm wins
Whenever I am with my family and someone says, “Wow, you have a beautiful family!” I reply, “Well, we left the ugly ones at home.”
Good News: Your kid will finally eat something green.
Bad News: It’s avocados, and now you have to take out a second mortgage.
If you bring a child into a store and give that child a whistle, just know everyone in there will be a suspect in your murder.
Early morning sibling drama: 4 is upset with 6 because he told 4 everyone in the family featured in his fun dream except her because his dream “was limited to those aged 6+.”
What are guys wearing their sunglasses on the back of their heads hiding from us?
Felt sad that rabbits ate all my marigolds.
Then felt glad that I don’t have to water them anymore.
Suburban life is a roller coaster.
A new study shows twitter is more addictive than crack.
A scientist who looks suspiciously like my wife said “better put down that phone.”
feb 14: i love everything about u
feb 15: don’t breathe like that
Local community Facebook pages are like:
“When is garden bin collection day?”
– “Ours is this Friday, but I don’t live in your area”
– – “This Friday is my daughter Leslie’s birthday”
A broken heart won’t kill you, but it can make you feel like dying.
Me *secures my kid’s seat belt*
My kid: Are we there yet?
People who say they don’t have a mean bone in their body haven’t had their back go out on them.
My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.