Hate is too strong of a word, but to the guy who brought a cowbell to a 7am youth hockey game, I very much dislike you
You Might Also Like
I am not mature enough for this many work emails to be going back and forth about an incoming hot load
The valet at the park washroom isn’t wearing pants, should I tip more or less
Difference between Jenna Jameson & Mitt Romney? One does disgusting, amoral things for money; one’s a porn star.
I named all my Nest cameras “the bedroom”… now every time someone walks anywhere in my house my husband gets the notification “Nest noticed action in the bedroom “
Just saw a BMW double-parked at the grocery store. Nature is healing.
Guys are always ‘just kidding’ unless you say yes
I hate it when I finally finish doing the laundry then look up to see my family walking around wearing clothes
If you don’t want your kids to leave the bathroom light on all the time don’t ask them to wash their hands so much duh.
Me: But I’m sweaty, I’m anxious, my heart rate is up
Doctor: This is the 3rd visit I’ve had to tell you I can’t treat being offended online
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
A friend text me after the election to ask how I was doing. Now she says I’m mad at her because I haven’t answered, but I’m still typing.
I am starting to suspect that my camo hoodie isn’t as clean as it appears
Converstion would go :-
Tourist: G’day, can you tell me which way is Bondi Beach
Airport employee: Certainly. Its that way (points in a SE direction)
Tourist: Is it walkable distance?
Aiport employee: Not really
Tourist: Why!!?!?!
Airport employee: You’re in Austria
Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.
My graphics card. The graphics.
card I need to
play Tekken 8
Marriage is one spouse cooking and the other deciding to block them by unloading the dishwasher and ending the argument by rage folding laundry
lmaaaaaooooooooo
“I Didn’t Want This But I Ate it Anyway to Keep Myself from Eating the Worse Thing and Then I Ate That Too”, an autobiography.
Based Erika
Ah yes, time for the biannual gaslighting of the cat, in which I slowly shift meals by 15 minutes at a time for two weeks in a ritual that is both mystifying and infuriating for him.
[2052 pre-apocalypse]
Him: If only we had one of those old VCR cables, we could save the world
Me: (pulling out bin) SEE KAREN, I TOLD YOU WE NEEDED TO KEEP THESE CORDS
A five year old girl is headed to
the National Spelling Bee finals.And I just had to use autocorrect
to spell “embarrassed”I’m so emb-
My mom- I need you to fix my email
Me- What’s your email address?
My mom- Verizon
Never be a pizza!
I told all my neighbors that I have a twin . . . so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.
I like soap operas because you never have to wonder who the villain is, they are the one wearing an eye patch. No gentlemen pirates on a soap opera
Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
I want to have the kind of hope my dog has when the kids walk around eating chips.
It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one hour of purchase
Just saw a video where Gordon Ramsey was struggling to say “Worcestershire sauce”, and honestly guys, if he can’t do it there’s no hope for the rest of us