Nothing says “I m not interested” quite as loudly as showing up for a date
Age is just a number in the same way that a killer whale is just a fish.
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i bring a card table with me where I go for thanksgiving in case the host’s furniture is too heavy to flip
My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
Watching JAWS and really identifying with the shark
Logged into FB told Gemma her wedding pics are beautiful.
Logged into Twitter to tell you she looked like a fat man in drag and I hate her.
My wife’s favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
It’s easier for me to bite than my dogs, my neighbors finally get it
Perfecting my gay-nar. It’s an underwater homosexual detector.
1000s flocked to NJ to see the Virgin Mary in a tree trunk. But, don’t judge them, friends. When was the last time you saw a virgin in NJ?
Putting an ‘e’ at the end of words (ie Pointe, Crowne) makes something fancy as shite.