“All I ever wanted to do is make a difference.” – Subtraction Man

You Might Also Like


Glen, the spatula: *giggling* ok ok shhhh watch this

Me: *trying to open the drawer* what the-*ᴄʜᴜɴᴋ* dammit-*ᴄʜᴜɴᴋ*

The other Utensils: *going nuts* GLEN! GLEN! GLEN! GLEN!



Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…

Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn


“Are you already hot as shit? Then you’ll look hot as shit in our glasses” – Every glasses ad


“I’d kill you if I thought I could get away with it”…….things that were said to me during my divorce. Hey guy’s, she’s available!


[pet therapy]
THERAPIST: ok slow
ME: *pets 2 dogs*
T: just 1
M: *pets 3 dogs*
T: Nurse, restrain him, he’s
M: *pets 4 dogs*
T: roverdosing


The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants.


The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.