When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means ‘only married’ like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage
Batman’s an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade
You Might Also Like
Me [doing a lovely soft shoe routine and nailing it]
Brother: Are you serious? This is my sentencing hearing
Judge [teary]: Just wonderful
*God creating Eminem*
This one will really hate his mom, but also be really obsessed with her spaghetti.
A Navidad is just a normal Dad that never has to ask for directions.
sucks to be a bad guy in the teenage mutant ninja turtle world like
“who stopped u”
“no they were like faster than normal”
not to get all political on here but i’m pretty sure strawberry and blueberry pop-tarts taste exactly the same.
First minute of hiccups: teehee listen to me i’m so cute
10th minute of hiccups: I YEARN FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH
hot singles are in your area, merging together into a plurality, a hot leviathan. the time for chat is over. this is not your area anymore
Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.
There is no “ea” in Tim.