Being a mom means saying things that shouldn’t be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, “EAT YOUR CEREAL!” for example.
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Sometimes my views are right wing, sometimes left, it just depends where I’m sat on the airplane.
don’t ask me explain this but a golden retriever is like the 1990s in dog form
*knocks over a huge display at the grocery store*
(raises arms in the air)
Ta-da!
Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
[1st date]
Him: Wanna come back to my place for a bit?Me: I thought you’d never ask
Him: Oh, really? *winks*
Me: Yes, I need somewhere less crowded to summon the Dark Lord
Photosynthesis is the process used by plants to convert a picture into a thousand words
here we see Penny the diving kitty mid-triple pike, let’s see if she lands this one Steve
Child: I’m full.
Me: Okay.
Child: Can I have dessert?
Me: What? You just said you were full.
Child: Yeah, full of THIS.
mr. miyagi: sweep the leg, daniel-san
daniel-san: do i have to, sensei?
mr. miyagi: *sucks the meat off a chicken thigh, chucks it on the floor* yep. then wax my cars again, nerd
Dreams at each age:
15: one day I’ll find great love.
20: one day I’ll become a great person.
25: one day I’ll make the world great.
35: one day I’ll throw out all my Tupperware at once, and buy a bunch of different sizes but all with the same lid.