I’m old enough to be your uncle…your sexy uncle
Being paranoid about your govt’s paranoia is a good sign.
You Might Also Like
Like anyone has time to sit there and read 12,412 product reviews on Amazon.
[8 hours later]
Yeah, I’m def not buying this pillow.
Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
Me, hold a grudge? Never. I carry a battle axe at all times and settle any nonsense as it happens.
If you’re a guy and your profile picture has a photo clicked of yourself in front of a mirror,
OH GOD WHY?!?
Her: How do you like your bacon?
Me: In bulk
Friends are like snowflakes.
If you pee on them they disappear.
All my tattoos pretty much mean the same thing. I had money to blow.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
Sub-Zero: Stop shooting your harpoon at me.
Scorpion: Well, stop shooting ice balls at me.
Sub-Zero: You first.
Scorpion: Nuh uh. You.