Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: “Are you SURE you want to spell your kid’s name that way?”

You Might Also Like


me: umm did you tell your teacher that means pretend karate moves?

6: no



NyQuil the daytime drive your car into a ditch cold medicine.


The best part about pooping with the door open is seeing the faces of everyone in the elevator.


I left a note for my kids this morning to put my clothes in the dryer. Next time, I’ll have to be a little more specific and add START THE DRYER TOO!!!


My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.


“are you sure these x-rays are safe?”

[doctor 12 feet away behind a lead wall] you’re fine


When your prospective father-in-law asks:”Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?”
Do NOT say:”Because I am tired of using my own”


So embarrassing when you leave the bathroom and someone points out you have toilet paper stuck to your teeth.


interviewer: we’ve decided to go with another candidate

me [slides can of spinach across table]: what about now?

interviewer: wrong popeyes

me [slides second can of spinach across table]: and now?


a contractor is just a regular tractor that rips people off