The Passion of the Christ 2: Jesus in Space
He conquered the sins of the world, but can he conquer the sins of the galaxy?
Charlie Sheen’s herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school.
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what’s the funniest celebrity name if you swap their initials? I’m torn between Wenzel Dashington and Hom Tanks
Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom’s friend Frank, the fork living next door.
Sometimes when my family is especially ungrateful, I don’t wash the vegetables when I make their salads.
her: how about we go to this restaurant? I heard it’s earned two Michelin stars
me: [trying to impress] my car has four Michelin tires
My daughter said, “You’re the best mommy ever!”
I’m really proud that she’s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Sorry I yelled “April Fool’s” while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell “She’s right there!” every time she comes on the screen until you’re escorted out of the theater.
My walk of shame is to the laundry room to rerun the same load of clothes I keep forgetting to dry for the third time.
One time I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day