Define “no more Twitter or I will leave you.”
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Is it the 5 second rule or the 10 second rule?
Well, either way, I wouldn’t worry too much about any germs. Here’s your baby back.
A baby’s smile can light up a room. Unless it’s pitch black. Then the baby is totally useless.
In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you’re going to take a group photo.
If you pitch a non-superhero, non-remake, non-sequel film in Hollywood they send your family to a work camp.
Rose petals are expensive.
Just throw Doritos all over the bed.
1st child: you encourage creativity
2nd child: you encourage independent play
3rd child: you stifle all imagination to avoid a mess.
Alexa, make out with the Roomba
My 4yo informed me that she was “less than not half way done” getting ready for school. My guess is she’ll be ready before I figure out what that means.
I get it grandma. I’m not sure what to do on Facebook either.
OBGYN : What are you using for birth control?
Me: my personality