Don’t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?

You Might Also Like


Boss to our group: “Let’s talk about what inspires you. Mike, you go first.”

Me: *Goes home*


ME: sometimes i just repeat your name instead of laughing

HANNAH: that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard

ME: hannahannahannahannaha


me: I brought a note from my doctor

dungeon master: that’s not… look, your character has to battle


Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing…. A woman.


Hide all your naughty entertainment on VHS. Even if your kids find it, they will not know what to do with it.


Step 1:Establish a medical history of “sleep walking”

Step 2. Murder your neighbor who mows their lawn at 6am

Step 3: Return to bed


@_NTFG_’s account is temporarily unavailable because it violates the Twitter Media Policy. Learn more.


First date tip: Laugh at all his jokes, even bad ones. Men love it. Laugh louder. If he begs you to stop…laugh harder. This is good advice


I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said “day before Valentine’s Day” like I’m some genius who knows when Valentine’s Day is.