@neiltyson

Earth is indeed bipolar, but it’s not a disorder.

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@itsBABYSMITH

the squirrels are playing dodgeball with acorns again, must be mating season

@GABBYdaAngSaya

[Watching 101 Dalmatians with a cute girl]
Hold up, hold up. Pause it, please. Thanks. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,

@Brampersandon_

DATE: gonna grab my jacket and brb. you look great by the way

ME (whispering to my suit made of chameleons): hell yeah keep it up you guys

@SortaBad

I love how we all talk about The Last Supper painting & nobody mentions that all 13 of those guys were sitting on the same side of the booth

@HushJared

What’s good for the Michigoose is good for the Michigander

@Breadery

I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I’m teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.

@LetMeStart

My kids are yelling so incoherently at one another it sounds like they’re naming IKEA furniture.

@IDontSpeakWhine

My daughter claimed that her knife skills are better than Chef Ramsay’s. So I tossed her a potato and asked her to peel it and she said, “With a knife?”

Don’t worry Chef Ramsay, your job is safe!

@mattZillaaaa

Everyone on Instagram has pics of them at places all over the world & I’m like here’s another shot of me from a different angle on my sofa