@jngraphs *Writes a song for you*
*Sings it under your bedroom window*
*You call the cops*
*Your husband falls in love with me*
@jwoodham Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders.
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@jngraphs 
@MeemawKate “Are you still watching?”
Yes, Netflix. I didn’t magically get my shit together in the last three hours.
@RandomAntics He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you.
@BradBroaddus I only had a few friends before I got on Twitter.
Now I don’t have any.
@Jimpetuous *holds seashell to ear*
[ocean sounds]
[ocean sounds]
[“Remember to click ‘subscribe’ & to rate & leave a com-]
*throws shell into the sea*
@shopkins776 I took two years of anger management courses
Now I’m the manager of four brand new anger stores
@STRIKINGxVIKING This could be the Alcohol talking but….
OMG you guys! The ALCOHOL is TALKING!
@whalesmells Roses are red
Violets are blue
Bad boys bad boys
Whatchagonnadoo
@mrtruthandsoul *breaks out of prison
*hunted by police for weeks
*crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house*
Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
@clichedout COP: any drugs in the car
ME: no
COP: lol nerd