Opened my white noise app instead of my podcast app. Honestly, it’s an improvement.
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DR.: you’re going to feel a little bit of pressure. Ready?
DR.: your sister is younger but already has a career path & owns her home
Accidentally texted my dad “have a hood day” and he shot three people
And that’s when I stopped telling the first half of my stories
My mom asked me a question and when I went to answer she said, “Hold on I can’t hear you. I gotta turn on the light.” The dark was too loud?
HER: Impress me.
ME: I own a record label-
ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls.
Aw man, but that’s the best part
Nutritionalist: you should eat 2,000 calories a day
Me: ok, how many at night?
Me: Hey Mom!
My mom: Oh haha I get that all the time
Definitely my mom: *walking away from me* Just one of those faces, I guess!
Watching my coworkers split a cupcake three ways was more upsetting than the first time I missed my period.