@samalmightysam
@ColoradoCrow Im going to change my name on Facebook to “Benefits”, so that when you add me it will say, “You are now friends with benefits”
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@ColoradoCrow 
@TheCatWhisprer [cats at shelter]
Where’s Frank?
“Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now.”
@fro_vo *holds seashell to ear* new shell who dis
@bornmiserable MOM: [walks into daughter’s room, sees protest signs, history books, list of senators’ phone numbers on bed] Are you… politically active?
@lloydrang Cashier: do you need bags?
Me: do any of us NEED anything?
Cashier: sir, I have a liberal arts degree too
Me: plastic please
@glum_and_fun *pulls home cooked meal out of oven*
*family awkwardly stares at me*
Yup, this is definitely not my house.
@TragicAllyHere Hmm…
kkkk (too many)
kkk (too racist)
kk (looks like a typo)
k (that’ll work)Why you see my texting bubble for 10 min before getting “k”
@clichedout my boss said “why is your shirt untucked” and I said “bc my pants are tucked into my shirt” and now i’m the sales manager
@AimeeHelene1 Girl: *blowing kisses to boyfriend across the room*
Me: *runs in and swats kisses out of the air*
@thepunningman Boss: Isn’t your new job kind of a [stifling laughter] sideways move?
Crab: [to HR person] see this is what I’m talking about