Spider: Why don’t you like us? Most us are harmless and we kill all the bugs in your house? We just want to help
Humans: EW EW EW EW OMG
How to tell if your wife is mad at you
1. She is
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If You Take a Mom to Target:
If you take a Mom to Target, she’ll probably see a cute decorative basket in the dollar section that she likes.
Picking out that basket will remind her that she needs a bunch of stuff to put in it.
On my tax form I checked the single box but added “and looking”.
My response to my boss when he tells me to work harder when I haven’t had a raise in eight years:
Good morning to everyone, especially those who don’t need to turn every tweet into a sexual innuendo, I know it’s hard, very hard.
I like to pride myself on knowing whether it’s Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.
The good thing about being tall is, you can’t get lost in a crowd.
The bad thing is, you can’t get lost in a crowd.
I think Argentina is quite capable of deciding who it wants to cry for. Stop being so bossy Eva.
My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I can’t love her back. It’s nice when problems resolve themselves.
Just gonna eat a cookie and reflect on this