I bet my doctor wasn’t expecting to say “Sir, that is not a toy” so many times today.
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I hate when people call and say they’re 10 minutes away for a “drop-by surprise visit” and I have to set fire to my house.
He pulled a rabbit out of his hat!
Also, a gerbil from his pants & a kitten from his coat.
The infamous “Pet Shop Burglar” had a good day.
Somebody spiked my ice water with 14 glasses of champagne last night
No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence “We need to leave in ten minutes.”
*Jumps out of bed
“Seize the day!!”
*Stubs toe
*Calls in sick
You can’t break me, kid. My generation survived dial-up AOL and texting on a flip phone.
I eat my sandwich over a piece of bread, so when stuff falls out…BOOM! another sandwich.
I forgot the word confetti so I just said jazz hands graffiti
Skating rink, hockey rink, curling rink… Who decided “rink” could only mean an ice arena?? “Hey, I’m heading down to the hairdressing rink then swinging by the cheese rink after, see ya”