Mother: can you please fix my computer
Me: *leans back in chair* well… well … well … if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
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Pros of a minivan: It can fit 5 kids.
Cons of a minivan: It can fit 5 kids.
Am I joking? Yes. Absolutely.
Do I also mean it? Yes. Absolutely.
[family hears me pull in driveway]
wife: please don’t
wrestling announcer: sorry ma’am he already paid me. NOW ENTERING THE HOUSE FROM WORK
*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* “Oh man my car windows are down!”
safari guide: please keep your arms inside the vehicle
me: [a lion has my arm already] call a doctor
Biden: I painted “Michelle Obama 2020” on your bedroom ceiling
Biden: Glow in the dark paint
I’m at that age where I can’t simply pick something up, I need to first knock it over and then pick it up.
If you want to drive someone slowly insane, say frank you to them in a parrot voice one million times.
Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE