So Jamie and Cersei could have lived if they moved a little to the left?
I don’t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
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If I ever met the Dalai Lama, I would ask him a question that has plagued me my entire life.
“What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?”
Dear young cashier,
$100.89 is not pronounced $189.
Signed, a lady you scared
Don’t talk to me about hardship. You guys will never have to refold a road map.
My husband told me I was beautiful for the first time tonight
Sure, he was drunk and using a Scooby Doo voice but I’ll take it
“This may be our 85th viewing of this movie, but we’ll watch it as intently as if it was only our 23rd”
pharmacist: are you getting a booster?
me: high chair please.
Wife: Why did the little mermaid wear seashells?
Me: Because she was too small for D-shells.
Me: I have 7 things to tell you about your house. Number 4 may shock you.
Customer: You are the worst electrician ever.
Me: “Toilet paper, over or under?”
Me: *flips table* NEXT!!!!!