Hate when the grammar police single me out like some kind of which hunt
If I’m napping in my car, don’t wake me up
unless I’m driving
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[walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire]
it’s alright guys i got this one.
*whips out a flamethrower*
TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-
Him: Why do you always need the last word?
Me: I don’t.
Me: I don’t really.
Me: I don’t! And that’s final.
After seeing my share of people’s ultrasound pictures I’m convinced that they just give everyone the same one.
ME: can u pick me up in ur claws
DRAGON: go AWAY dammit
ME: can u just put me in ur mouth pls—I wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail
You are right, 27 is “just a number” but I’m looking for a man, not a boy.
PS: Save my number… just in case I change my mind.
“If I eat my arm, I can’t technically gain any weight” – my thought process after only 5 days of dieting.
Last year I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive. I woke up in a box on Christmas morning.
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