If I’m napping in my car, don’t wake me up

unless I’m driving

You Might Also Like


Cats REALLY hate dryers.
However, Patches has Never looked this fluffy


My son keeps running around naked, so I sprayed him with Windex. It’s supposed to prevent streaking.


*sits down in a classy as hell bar*
“barkeep! a bottle of your finest champagne please. I earn…”
*lowers shades*
“$200 every 4 months”


Stick around after sticking around after the Thor 2 credits. Very realistic 3D of a theater manager telling you to leave.


My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.


Black rotten roses & run over kittens
Teeth falling out & a test is unwritten
Naked in public becoming a meme


WW2 started from a game of telephone when Hitler said ” I hate shoes”


USA lose graciously to Belgium in the World Cup. Obama says no hard feelings & any drones heading towards Belgium are nothing to worry about


Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.