If I’m napping in my car, don’t wake me up
unless I’m driving
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my ancestors, who hunted and foraged for whatever food they could get, watching me have anxiety when I’m reading a menu:
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OMG 🤣🤣
Halloween combines my 3 least favorite things: Answering the door, giving away food and children.
Apparently “working from home” means “dear God why can’t I stop eating”.
ok but legally you have to tell me if you’re a meth lab
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To be honest, the only reason I’m interested in space is to experience the sublime satisfaction of throwing an enemy out of an airlock.
As it may promote gay propaganda & non traditional sex, pictures from my workout this afternoon will not be published.
I was just published in Science Fiction Bin Monthly, the only sci-fi magazine that’s printed and then immediately thrown in a dumpster. You can read my story in this month’s issue, but you’ll have to fight a raccoon for it.
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[Family of lizards]
Mother: this our oldest son, he’s all grown up now and crushes buildings
Little lizard: ahem
Mother: *sighs* also, this our youngest he can get you 15% off car insurance