@Jandalize
@daemonic3 Hate when the grammar police single me out like some kind of which hunt
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@daemonic3 
@midnightwhale [walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire]
it’s alright guys i got this one.
*whips out a flamethrower*
TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-
@junejuly12 Him: Why do you always need the last word?
Me: I don’t.
Him:
Me: I don’t really.
Him:
Me: I don’t! And that’s final.
Him:
@jellybnbonanza After seeing my share of people’s ultrasound pictures I’m convinced that they just give everyone the same one.
@iliezabeth ME: can u pick me up in ur claws
DRAGON: go AWAY dammit
ME: can u just put me in ur mouth pls—I wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail
@MoneypennyNaked You are right, 27 is “just a number” but I’m looking for a man, not a boy.
No offense.
PS: Save my number… just in case I change my mind.
@ziwe mood
@OfficeLinebcker “If I eat my arm, I can’t technically gain any weight” – my thought process after only 5 days of dieting.
I’m doomed.
@NeilBensch Last year I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive. I woke up in a box on Christmas morning.
@causticbob you have three unread messages
