@DaddyJew [pokes your baby with a stick]
what’s it do?
@noog If you go to a ghost-themed party and they start burning a giant wooden cross, then you’re not at a ghost-themed party. And you’re an idiot.
You Might Also Like
@DaddyJew 
@RobbySlowik Queen Elizabeth dresses like she’s about to go to prom with Steve Harvey
@aka_fatman “What does your mother do for a living?”
“She sells shesells…I mean…Sea sells sea shells…dammit! She’s…a beachside entrepreneur.”
@lovemydogduck I drank so much wine last night when i walked across the dance floor to get another glass, i won the dance competition.
@simoncholland You’d think for $40 they’d be able to cut anything but apparently my wife’s expensive craft scissors are not for opening ice pops.
@OakHill_ Spreads legs… Nope
Spreads two other legs …. Nope
Spreads two others …. Dammit, no
Spreads last two…. BINGO!!
– spider sex
@Grommit56 Ooh, sorry, I totally misunderstood what you meant by “Come at me, bro”.
I’ll get you a towel.
@tarashoe when i’m stressed i close my eyes and imagine i’m on a beach, neurotically pacing back & forth within a very small section of that beach
@Holy_Mowgli DOCTOR: to prevent germs from spreading you should sneeze into your elbow
T-REX: oh great
@KattsDogma It’s called support maybe you’ve heard of I.T.